I was going to delete the first post of this series.. But as I read it, I realized that I should keep it because it's all true. I just thought it in the wrong context.
So, i'll add to it.
Not everyone is against you. In fact, almost no one is. You have control over yourself, and your feelings, you just don't realize it. You don't think before you act, and while you're acting like a total idiot, you're not listening, or thinking at all.
Learn to calm down, and don't look at every arguement as 'this is going to be bad'. You're setting yourself up, and then you are right, it will be bad. It could cost you one of the most important friends you've ever had. It probably already has, but.. That's another thing..
Learn to have some faith in your real friends.. They go through hell because of you. And they don't have to.
Maybe this time, i'll learn..
And I hope maybe I can be forgiven. And I hope they know that they mean more to me than I really show.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Valuable Lessons
I've learned a lot today.. And it's not just the sake and coffee and staying up all night talking.
I know in my life, I've backed down and let others walk all over me. One day, I woke up, and in anger, I lashed out. I went from extreme passive to extreme aggressive.. Then, I calmed down. But with my losses, i also lost a major part of myself. I lost security in my own judgments. I question myself, and wonder, "am i overreacting? am i wrong? am i right?"
You know in your own heart, your gut, when you really have done something wrong. We all have an innate judgment, but it's often clouded by many things. I realize, I have a weakness in letting others manipulate me. I have other weaknesses too, but I also realize that I should forgive myself for them, just as I forgive others for theirs.
I know, sometimes, it's good to be the bigger person and subject your pride to keep the peace.. But when does that line stop and the line of your self worth start? Where does it cross? And why should you beg for forgiveness when you've done nothing wrong?
I would, I have done it before. I give a lot of myself. My time, my energy, for the people I care about. I do it for love.. Because I love, and because I care. All I ask in return is understanding, acceptance, and compassion. The same thing I give to everyone else.
If I'm stubborn, over-reactive, over-defensive in another person's eyes and being friends with me is a chore, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the situation. Maybe it's time to let it go. If even for a while.. I can't make anyone see my side of things, and if they don't or can't, I can't blame them. It's just a difference of opinion, and if no one can just agree to disagree, and it continues to always cause problems and is destructive for everyone, then you only have two choices..
Deal with it, or go elsewhere.
I'm not sure about my choice.. It's painful.. But every day I ignore it, it slowly takes more out of me. And I already feel I'm running on empty.
I know in my life, I've backed down and let others walk all over me. One day, I woke up, and in anger, I lashed out. I went from extreme passive to extreme aggressive.. Then, I calmed down. But with my losses, i also lost a major part of myself. I lost security in my own judgments. I question myself, and wonder, "am i overreacting? am i wrong? am i right?"
You know in your own heart, your gut, when you really have done something wrong. We all have an innate judgment, but it's often clouded by many things. I realize, I have a weakness in letting others manipulate me. I have other weaknesses too, but I also realize that I should forgive myself for them, just as I forgive others for theirs.
I know, sometimes, it's good to be the bigger person and subject your pride to keep the peace.. But when does that line stop and the line of your self worth start? Where does it cross? And why should you beg for forgiveness when you've done nothing wrong?
I would, I have done it before. I give a lot of myself. My time, my energy, for the people I care about. I do it for love.. Because I love, and because I care. All I ask in return is understanding, acceptance, and compassion. The same thing I give to everyone else.
If I'm stubborn, over-reactive, over-defensive in another person's eyes and being friends with me is a chore, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the situation. Maybe it's time to let it go. If even for a while.. I can't make anyone see my side of things, and if they don't or can't, I can't blame them. It's just a difference of opinion, and if no one can just agree to disagree, and it continues to always cause problems and is destructive for everyone, then you only have two choices..
Deal with it, or go elsewhere.
I'm not sure about my choice.. It's painful.. But every day I ignore it, it slowly takes more out of me. And I already feel I'm running on empty.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tea and a Rant
I really thought Chamomile tea was supposed to relax you. Though I can say I do feel pretty calm, just mildly irked and dissappointed.
Others around me of course aren't suprised. I started playing Aion Online a year ago. Before that, my only MMO experience was a crappy pvp zerg game called Conquer and Meridian, waayy back in the day. I wasn't too thrilled with the concept of eating spider eyeballs at that age. I'm still not, but.. any port in a storm eh?
Though I remember how it was when Aion first started. It seemed great, until you got into higher levels. The players are totally selfish, and that game relies on people working together. Not a good system. Sorry, Westerners just don't play well together.
And the new expansion? Too little, too late, and even the new stuff isn't that good. And who do I have to complain to or even talk about it with? No one. That pretty much killed it for me. Not a single person wanted to hear it. All I got was 'FUCK AION!'. And.. there's no blame in this. The game really is -that- terrible. I guess I wasn't entirely ready to give up on it till the patcher didn't work and I didn't want to spend 2 days on a 13 gig download to go 'great.. i can't reach this content till 50 and the game still sucks'.
Yeah, I think I mentioned somewhere that i'm slow.
Other game news? FFXIV.. I downloaded it, I saw the amazing graphics, then I was driven crazy by the battle system. Urrgghhhh... software driven mouse, and you have to tab 3 times in order to even target the mob. For a melee, that is either certin death in an aggro zone, or you just look like you're standing around picking your nose while casters explode everything. I really don't get off on pulling out my own hair. You can call me a 'poor gamer' and get all high and mighty about it, 'stop QQing noob'. But really. I like to enjoy myself in a game.
Soooo.. what choice to I have left?
WoW...
New expansion coming out soon! bweee :D
Others around me of course aren't suprised. I started playing Aion Online a year ago. Before that, my only MMO experience was a crappy pvp zerg game called Conquer and Meridian, waayy back in the day. I wasn't too thrilled with the concept of eating spider eyeballs at that age. I'm still not, but.. any port in a storm eh?
Though I remember how it was when Aion first started. It seemed great, until you got into higher levels. The players are totally selfish, and that game relies on people working together. Not a good system. Sorry, Westerners just don't play well together.
And the new expansion? Too little, too late, and even the new stuff isn't that good. And who do I have to complain to or even talk about it with? No one. That pretty much killed it for me. Not a single person wanted to hear it. All I got was 'FUCK AION!'. And.. there's no blame in this. The game really is -that- terrible. I guess I wasn't entirely ready to give up on it till the patcher didn't work and I didn't want to spend 2 days on a 13 gig download to go 'great.. i can't reach this content till 50 and the game still sucks'.
Yeah, I think I mentioned somewhere that i'm slow.
Other game news? FFXIV.. I downloaded it, I saw the amazing graphics, then I was driven crazy by the battle system. Urrgghhhh... software driven mouse, and you have to tab 3 times in order to even target the mob. For a melee, that is either certin death in an aggro zone, or you just look like you're standing around picking your nose while casters explode everything. I really don't get off on pulling out my own hair. You can call me a 'poor gamer' and get all high and mighty about it, 'stop QQing noob'. But really. I like to enjoy myself in a game.
Soooo.. what choice to I have left?
WoW...
New expansion coming out soon! bweee :D
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Complete Randomness
What is there to say? Well.. obviously I have a lot, considering I made another blog that I will maybe try to remember this time around and post into xD
Yeah.. Sometimes I'm dense, or something. I dunno. I just know I have the attention span of a- ooo... youtube..
Wait wut..? Right..
Well I'm going to be an anonymous tard and be super sekretive to just about everything and make vague personal quips. Or I might lay out the entire cow and be like moo. Anyway, if i rant, it could be funny.. Sometimes I don't make sense, at least that is what I am told ^^ But really i'm not that bad :3
Like... lets see.. My favorite colors are red, light blue (tho some call it cyan, i perfer baby blue, since cyan is a step bluer than teal and brighter on the white scale), black, white, silver.. I like gradients more than solids, because I can't make up my mind.. and.. I like cats. I'm also a music fanatic, but more on the appreciative side. I love water, like waterfalls, lakes and oceans, and forests, and i like dragons, unicorns, foxes, pokemon (no not really. I just love to say the word) and the occasional MMO. In other words, i'm a complete nerd with no life whatsoever :x But I'll post pretty drawings once in a while and try to compete with my only friend in the followers box and we can laugh at eachother on msn xD
Mmkay.. now that's all done and said, I should go back to work, and maybe later make a profile pic for myself :x tata
Yeah.. Sometimes I'm dense, or something. I dunno. I just know I have the attention span of a- ooo... youtube..
Wait wut..? Right..
Well I'm going to be an anonymous tard and be super sekretive to just about everything and make vague personal quips. Or I might lay out the entire cow and be like moo. Anyway, if i rant, it could be funny.. Sometimes I don't make sense, at least that is what I am told ^^ But really i'm not that bad :3
Like... lets see.. My favorite colors are red, light blue (tho some call it cyan, i perfer baby blue, since cyan is a step bluer than teal and brighter on the white scale), black, white, silver.. I like gradients more than solids, because I can't make up my mind.. and.. I like cats. I'm also a music fanatic, but more on the appreciative side. I love water, like waterfalls, lakes and oceans, and forests, and i like dragons, unicorns, foxes, pokemon (no not really. I just love to say the word) and the occasional MMO. In other words, i'm a complete nerd with no life whatsoever :x But I'll post pretty drawings once in a while and try to compete with my only friend in the followers box and we can laugh at eachother on msn xD
Mmkay.. now that's all done and said, I should go back to work, and maybe later make a profile pic for myself :x tata
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