I was going to delete the first post of this series.. But as I read it, I realized that I should keep it because it's all true. I just thought it in the wrong context.
So, i'll add to it.
Not everyone is against you. In fact, almost no one is. You have control over yourself, and your feelings, you just don't realize it. You don't think before you act, and while you're acting like a total idiot, you're not listening, or thinking at all.
Learn to calm down, and don't look at every arguement as 'this is going to be bad'. You're setting yourself up, and then you are right, it will be bad. It could cost you one of the most important friends you've ever had. It probably already has, but.. That's another thing..
Learn to have some faith in your real friends.. They go through hell because of you. And they don't have to.
Maybe this time, i'll learn..
And I hope maybe I can be forgiven. And I hope they know that they mean more to me than I really show.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Valuable Lessons
I've learned a lot today.. And it's not just the sake and coffee and staying up all night talking.
I know in my life, I've backed down and let others walk all over me. One day, I woke up, and in anger, I lashed out. I went from extreme passive to extreme aggressive.. Then, I calmed down. But with my losses, i also lost a major part of myself. I lost security in my own judgments. I question myself, and wonder, "am i overreacting? am i wrong? am i right?"
You know in your own heart, your gut, when you really have done something wrong. We all have an innate judgment, but it's often clouded by many things. I realize, I have a weakness in letting others manipulate me. I have other weaknesses too, but I also realize that I should forgive myself for them, just as I forgive others for theirs.
I know, sometimes, it's good to be the bigger person and subject your pride to keep the peace.. But when does that line stop and the line of your self worth start? Where does it cross? And why should you beg for forgiveness when you've done nothing wrong?
I would, I have done it before. I give a lot of myself. My time, my energy, for the people I care about. I do it for love.. Because I love, and because I care. All I ask in return is understanding, acceptance, and compassion. The same thing I give to everyone else.
If I'm stubborn, over-reactive, over-defensive in another person's eyes and being friends with me is a chore, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the situation. Maybe it's time to let it go. If even for a while.. I can't make anyone see my side of things, and if they don't or can't, I can't blame them. It's just a difference of opinion, and if no one can just agree to disagree, and it continues to always cause problems and is destructive for everyone, then you only have two choices..
Deal with it, or go elsewhere.
I'm not sure about my choice.. It's painful.. But every day I ignore it, it slowly takes more out of me. And I already feel I'm running on empty.
I know in my life, I've backed down and let others walk all over me. One day, I woke up, and in anger, I lashed out. I went from extreme passive to extreme aggressive.. Then, I calmed down. But with my losses, i also lost a major part of myself. I lost security in my own judgments. I question myself, and wonder, "am i overreacting? am i wrong? am i right?"
You know in your own heart, your gut, when you really have done something wrong. We all have an innate judgment, but it's often clouded by many things. I realize, I have a weakness in letting others manipulate me. I have other weaknesses too, but I also realize that I should forgive myself for them, just as I forgive others for theirs.
I know, sometimes, it's good to be the bigger person and subject your pride to keep the peace.. But when does that line stop and the line of your self worth start? Where does it cross? And why should you beg for forgiveness when you've done nothing wrong?
I would, I have done it before. I give a lot of myself. My time, my energy, for the people I care about. I do it for love.. Because I love, and because I care. All I ask in return is understanding, acceptance, and compassion. The same thing I give to everyone else.
If I'm stubborn, over-reactive, over-defensive in another person's eyes and being friends with me is a chore, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the situation. Maybe it's time to let it go. If even for a while.. I can't make anyone see my side of things, and if they don't or can't, I can't blame them. It's just a difference of opinion, and if no one can just agree to disagree, and it continues to always cause problems and is destructive for everyone, then you only have two choices..
Deal with it, or go elsewhere.
I'm not sure about my choice.. It's painful.. But every day I ignore it, it slowly takes more out of me. And I already feel I'm running on empty.
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